Jeremy the Great (darkjeremy) wrote,
Jeremy the Great
darkjeremy


Apparantly my grandmother is doing worse than I had imagined from the initial descriptions I get from my family.

I went to see her before work Sunday night - but she was fast asleep and it being one of the first times she had slept I didn't bother to wake her. All was going well, she went home yesterday and was doing fine - checking the mail and whatnot until she got the idea into her head that she needed to go back to the hospital to pick up her mother. Her mother died when I was in 7th grade. Then as far as I can tell my father and grandfather tried to convince her of this, then she took off tried to get in the car, realized that she doesn't know how to drive, and started trying to walk there. Dad and my grandfather tried stalling her and trying to get her to stop, but she found a place she could kind of climb up their fence, and my dad had to wrestle her off it. They took her to the hospital again, and she's now in a psychiatric ward of Tucker I believe, while they try to figure out what's going on.

As if that wasn't enough, I figure that I failed my Physics test since I didn't know any of the answers. I hate my job, and need to find out Ben Smelly's number so I can talk to him about his job offer.

I tried calling Jill on my way to work, and the conversation started well, I hadn't talked to her in a while and all i knew about her life was her emobaby myspace posts, and livejournal about teh missing kids and bears... not really insight intow hat was going on in her life. No mention of her modeling thing. So I called and she was upset about her neighbors, so I was getting into asking how her modeling thing was and trying to make her focus on that and be happy- then I made my fatal mistake. I expected something from her. I expected her to ask me what was happening in my life, and when she didn't I jokingly mentioned that she never calls me. This turned into her changing her story several times from - It's MY fault she doesn't call me because I said it would be awkward (which I did, however I have since called her two times saying she should call me and she tole me she would) to she has been busy, then when i pointed out that it's fairly easy to make time to call someone, say driving to/from work... oh, she doesn't call her friends on the phone. What the heck is that? If you're not going to call me don't call me, don't jump around on why you aren't going to.

So I was pissed off - (she wasn't acting like she cared what was going on in my life, and i wanted to talk to her about what was goin on with me, and she was basically telling me that there wasnt going to be any calling me happening) and I had gotten to work, and we were still talking. Fine I said, I can tell I'm not important enough to find time to call me.

So then the text message arguement began...

Me:Being friends with you will indeed prove difficult. Perhaps for different reasons than i anticipated.
Me:If you can't... No, WON'T show that I matter to you I don't need your "friendship" because my friends actually matter to me.
Her:Fine. u r sick of my friendshit ne ways.
Me:Fuck you, then. You're a terrible "Friend" to me anyway. Friendshit, that's a good one. Friends take an interest in each other, something you apparantly can't do.
her:Wow, nice one.
Me:Even now you don't give it. Why would I want to be your friend? It's apparantly a bad thing when i call you. I called you today to see how you're doing. You didn't care enough to ask about my life. I don't care if you call your other friends or not. That just shows that you don't give a fuck about their lives either.
Her:Wow Jeremy. you are so self centered and clueless. be that way then
Me: That's Just like you.
Her: Yup, just like me
Me: Maybe if you ever realize how quick you are to quit, you'll learn to look deeper.
Me: I wish I hadn't called you tonight, I had enough worrying me.
Her; Maybe, or arguing is pointless.
Me: You gave up more tonight than an argument
Me: You showed how willing you are to give up me. I am quite hurt.
her: Ah I see.
her: U think so lowly of me y do u care
Me: I think that me finding the time to dall you, and the fact that I'm still talking to you about this, *AND* the fact that you are hurting me might show otherwise.
Her:There was no discussion there was only u trying to put me down no matter what i said.
Me: Yeah that's it, I'm all about putting you down
Her: U hurt me a lot jeremy... and you could give a shit less. you are either really spiteful about it or oblivious.
Her: goodnight
Me: Whatever. You can either be my friend or make up whatever the hell makes you feel better about not doing so. I have to work. If you care at all you'll know how.
Her: goodnight

So that's how I left it.
My boss was rushing me torward the end so I was getting really frustrated. What the fuck. It's so god damn simple to figure me out, and Jill dated me for a fucking year, you'd think she knows me by now but nope not even close. I spelled it out four hundred times, I'm spelling it out now - IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND - TAKE THE TIME TO LET ME KNOW. DO SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLY HARD LIKE CALL ME, VISIT ME AT WORK, SOMETHING! Anything that lets me know that, OMFG, There was a thought in your head about me today. I mean god damn, whenever I'm bored, or just thinking of something cool that reminds me of my friends I'll call and see what they are up to. I don't know. I'm cold, I'm mean, I'm blunt, I'm harsh whatever. But I don't know, Jill has *never* done things the way that normal people do things. Maybe that's cool, her style, whatever. But it's maybe not the best way to do things.

While I'm ranting about Jill.

Here's some helpful hints:

YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY JENNY FOR THE PET DEPOSIT SO YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT A FUCKING CAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE A CAR. DAVE IS BEING THE MOST AMAZING FRIEND IN THE WORLD LETTING YOU USE HIS... SAVE SOME FUCKING MONEY FOR A CAR DON'T BUY A CAT, OR GO TO ANIME CONVENTIONS, OR BUY HAIR DYE, OR LIP PIERCINGS UNTIL YOU CAN *GASP* PAY FOR THE SHIT YOU NEED TO LIKE FOOD! A CAR! GOING TO SCHOOL! MONEY YOU OWE JENNY! DOCTOR VISITS! IT'S UNFAIR OF YOU TO BE USING DAVE'S CAR AS LONG AS YOU HAVE AND YOU KNOW THAT, NO MATTER WHAT, BECAUSE HE WON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY, IT'S STILL UNFAIR!

Do you have any clue how much it would have cost to fix your car if you had fixed it when i told you to? Somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 dollars... Now you have to buy a whole new car? Great thinking. I hope you can ride your cat to work.

Your last journal entry mentions you don't have money for doctor visits. MAYBE IF YOU SAVED SOME MONEY you would. MAYBE IF YOU GOT A BETTER JOB THAT HAS *GASP* BENEFITS! Welcome to the real world. Maybe I am not "mature" enough to move out of my parent's house, but guess what. I can admit that I'm not ready. YOUR WHOLE LIFESTYLE IS UNHEALTHY!

Maybe I'm not saying this stuff the nice way. Guess what. I'm back to being myself. I don't care if how I'm saying this offends anyone. The only reason I mention any of that is because I do care about Jill. I don't think she's going to get anywhere if she continues as she is continuing. She has a dead end job with no benefits (my dead end job has a shitton of benefits) no savings, no more school to help her future, a health condition, which gets worse and worse after not treating it. I want to help, but she just pisses me off when all she can do is think about how she wants a lip piercing, to finish her tattoo, or to dye her hair again, or buy a new animal. Congratulations, "expressing yourself" !=food.

I know you're probably going to be pissed off when you read this jill. And if you are, you've missed the whole point, like usual, of what I am saying.

I don't know what i expect from this post but I had so much bottled up - there it goes.
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  • 23 comments
bah, here's the straight up response, no feelings spared

You were definitely way too hard on her. The average woman takes things a lot more emotionally than the average man. It seems she still just needed some space after the break up... a year is a long time. Hell, I only dated my ex for two and she isn't completely out of my head after separating last July.

But yea... I hear where you're coming from too... So many people completely confused their needs with their desires... who thinks of food for the coming weeks when the cat is cute and fluffy now? Who thinks of benefits down the line when you can get fifty cents more an hour now? It's very fortunate that you look to the future... that you're not obsessed with immediacy. But it isn't just Jill with this problem, it's most of the country...

So just try to understand that what is blatantly obvious to you is rarely seen the same to others... just try to understand her position a bit and once you do... a lot of the rage will subside.

But what are you doing the next couple weekends? its been a long while and there may need to be some serious chilling or nerd action

as for the job... work hard... might get promoted? or learn a skill and work somewhere else.
I have to age to get promoted, not work hard. If I'm still at sheetz when I am 21 (god forbid) I can be a shift supervisor.
damn.... that.... doesn't seem fair.... at all
It's not as bad as it seems. The only requirement is having to be age 21 because we sell alchohol and a manager has to be an ABC manager as well. That's all.

???

Anonymous

March 1 2006, 13:20:59 UTC 11 years ago

What's up with Jill anyway? What's her issue with you?
Her issue with me is that I'm "mean to her" My issue with her is she is incapable of making me feel like I matter. And for some reason, that bothers me.
You did'nt leave me ROOM to ask you how your life was! You went from joking to pissed right away. I have been thinking about you but if i don't call you it doesn't mean i don't care. The reason i came up with several reasons is because NONE of them were good enough for you and you shot every reason down though they were valid.

"whats up with jill ayway? what's her issue with you?"

I DONT' HAVE A FUCKING ISSUE WITH YOU! IN YOUR EYES EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG. Ask somone who is around when you and i are together. They will tell you the exact same thing..

I never said "fuck you" to you... and i never thought you would go so far as to say it to me. You proved me wrong.



"Welcome to the real world." FUCK THAT. you have had EVERYTHIng laid out for you since you were little. Even you and your mom admitted that shit. Oh wow they didn't get you a car like they did your sister. Or they're not paying for school. YOU SHOW NO INTEREST. you are so smart, maybe if you put in a fafsa (you may have already i don't know) or applied for a shit load of grants you woudn't have to pay for your own school. I am well aware of the REAL WORLD. So fuck that. You put yourself on this pedistil and when something doesn't go your way you knock that person down right away.




"but she just pisses me off when all she can do is think about how she wants a lip piercing, to finish her tattoo, or to dye her hair again, or buy a new animal. Congratulations, "expressing yourself""
Jeremy you are such an asshole. I don't care who bitches at me for saying so. I didn't say it before but now it calls for it. I -want- to buy a lip piercing... have i? NO. Finish my tattoo? NO. I haven't dyed my hair in well over a month and i haven't gotten an animal since my birthday and lexx was a BIRTHDAY PRESENT. So back off of all that ahit.


You have always had a huge problem with who i am. Well you seem to have me down perfectly in your head and in this journal. Congrats, you'll never know the real me, you'll just bash me to people like dave, mike , jason and the other dave. Yay, go you. I hope that makes you feel like you're in the right about everything.



You always make me feel guilty and then i give in to whatever you want. Not this time. I'm not going to call you or make an attempt to ammend this. You did this shit yourself. you "care about me?" then why would you say horrible shit about me behind my back to our friends? Is that how you show you care?

And anyone who wants to bitch towards me and tell me i'm wrong, go for it. I don't care anymore.
I'm in class so I'll reply to your post in full later but one part really stands out and had to be addressed.

then why would you say horrible shit about me behind my back to our friends? Is that how you show you care?

I don't talk shit about you behind your back. I don't talk shit about ANYONE behind their back. I have absolutely NO problem telling someone what I think of them TO THEIR FACE. Don't say things like this to make me look bad. I don't talk shit about you. Hell ask Mike. I think that all I said to him all fucking weekend at the versus tournament was how I missed you, and how I wanted to get you back as my girlfriend. I always tell him about the things I say to you, hoping for his insight and help. But fuck Jill, if all you can see in your quest to seem so righteous about our whole deal is me 'talking shit about you' you need to get over yourself.
Seem righteous? I'm not on some super quest here jeremy you brought all on all because i didn't call you... also I've been TOLD that you say shit! o.o So i honestly can't believe you on that. Sorry.

I was obviously never right for you. I could never give you the amount of attention you wanted or needed. I appologize for that. But it's honestly who i am.
I want to know who said I have said shit. No, scratch that. Who isn't important. What sort of shit have I said about you? I wan't to know because as far as I know I have never talked shit about you. Sure I've said what I was feeling, or talked about things I disliked, but nothing of more magnitude than saying I hate when you get drunk. (Not that you do, it's for comparative purposes)

You're right - you were never right for me. I should have figured that out from the start. The first sign something was wrong was when you wouldn't be my girlfriend until after you got back from ASU. That particular instant in time I should have figured that you and I differ greatly on everything.
besides the asu thing jeremy . You and i are completely different. And not in every case being opposite is a bad thing but for some reason we always clashed. I'm attempting to be civil about this so stop bashing.
We have the most drastically different set of values I could imagine two people having. What is incredibly important to me is trivial to you, and vice versa. I think it should be obvious by now that I'm hurt by what happened and is happening with us, and everything I do or say is quite influenced by that fact. A lot about you confuses me, and I don't know why I care how you live your life. I just always have. I guess you aren't the person I thought you were when we started dating, and that has always caused problems.
"I guess you aren't the person I thought you were when we started dating"

Sorry.
I don't mean that as an insult. It's the truth. I think thats the problem we had, every time I got upset about something you were doing and you didn't understand why, I think was because I had a different picture of who you were in my head, and the things you "should" be doing. If you look at our relationship under that light it explains a lot. Like why I was always dissappointed in the way we were.
You gave me the proper amount of attention the first month of our relationship though, I don't know why that changed, and all of a sudden the "way you are".
I don't understand, though how you can be calling me an asshole for thinking things like that? It really pisses me off that only now you say anything about "YOU SHOW NO INTEREST. you are so smart, maybe if you put in a fafsa (you may have already i don't know) or applied for a shit load of grants you woudn't have to pay for your own school." Thats the sort of thing that I would want my girlfriend to tell me because she cares and is involved in my life. You don't even know if I did FAFSA - you never cared enough about my school or life to ask.

"I -want- to buy a lip piercing... have i? NO. Finish my tattoo? NO. I haven't dyed my hair in well over a month and i haven't gotten an animal since my birthday and lexx was a BIRTHDAY PRESENT. So back off of all that shit."

Yeah Good job on not buying a lip piercing or finishing your tattoo. I guess when it comes down to a choice between eating and doing those things you actually made the right choice. Good job. /clap. The point isn't even that you shouldnt have those things. I don't like tattoos/facial piercings on girls. I can admit it. But if you get them its all you, I just let you know how I feel. I still dated you even with your tattos and nose piercing and belly button piercing. I just didn't like them, there's nothing horrible about that. I'm merely pointing out that if you had the money for it on you, I bat you'd go out and get that stupid lip piercing. And not give a second thought about the future, like fixing your car. The cat, you have not the money to feed yourself but you add on a cat which should be going to the vet regularly - which you can't afford so you ignore. You also need to feed the cat, which costs more money you don't have, and hopefully the cat doesn't fuck up anything you own, because you can't replace it. Your damn cat puked on my computer cables and broke my monitor. Your cat smells. All those things, is it wrong that I don't get madly excited when it climbed on my face while i was trying to sleep and clawed me? But no, I'm being mean because I wanted it to stay outside your room. My grandparents have a dog. They take care of it. They feed it, *****BATHE***** it, and have trained it to be quiet around people. I dislike aminals as a general rule, but their dog I find myself petting, and playing with. I wonder if there's a connection...

"You have always had a huge problem with who i am. Well you seem to have me down perfectly in your head and in this journal. Congrats, you'll never know the real me, you'll just bash me to people like dave, mike , jason and the other dave. Yay, go you. I hope that makes you feel like you're in the right about everything."

I have also had a huge problem with the fact that a huge part of who you are is you're so damn secretive. You didn't share yourself with me in such a way that I *could* get to know you. When I was getting to know you at the beginning of our relationship, you had me thinking that I was the only guy you were hanging out with, I never knew that there were three other guys that you were doing the same sort of stuff with that you were doing with me. You never mentioned it.

Once again, I'm not bashing you. I'm rather good at bashing someone if I'm inclined to do so. At this point I'm responding to everything you say with what I was thinking, and why.

Its true, I need a lot of attention in a relationship. You couldn't give me that because it's "not your personality". Once again, I wonder though, how your personality changed from the first month. Was it just because our relationship wasn't new and exciting to you anymore? Was it just because you were sick the whole first month and you had more time to do stuff like that and I mistook it as things you'd always be doing?

Whatever - I'm not mad anymore.


"you never cared enough about my school or life to ask."

Jeremy you were my fucking LIFE for almost a year! You never could understand that could you? just beacuse i didn't SAY "oh gee jeremy i blew off so and so for you" or "oh jeremy i was going to go to mars bar but i didn't to spend time with you" What the hell? You never NOTICED when i did shit for you. You admited that. I cared about your life very much so. You didn't notice.



Whoop de doo, you don't like facial piercings and tatoos, and you always made me feel like shit for having them. No way am i going to take out my piercings just beacuse you don't like them. They're part of me (stating that yet again) You would look at my piercings as imperfections and at my tattoos like a disease. You knocked me down constantly just for having them and always LET ME KNOW that you didn't like them. So trust me i'm well aware of -that-.


" I bat you'd go out and get that stupid lip piercing. And not give a second thought about the future, like fixing your car."

What??? honestly jeremy you're the person who never had any money but still scrounged up enough to buy mvc 2 whenever you could on a whim. Don't talk about money with me. You act all high and mature when you blow your money on magic cards and video games. So what i get tattoos when i have extra money. I still take care of my cell phone bill, power bill, internet bill and rent. Back off of that.


"you have not the money to feed yourself but you add on a cat which should be going to the vet regularly - which you can't afford so you ignore."

I FEED MYSELF plenty thank you. So what i like to live on cheaper foods, it's how i GREW UP. Some of us were raised to cook very little and eat small tiny meals througout the day. It's better for you. Also the cat needs to go to the vet in march. Thats when his primary shots run out so i'm ontop of that. Also i bathe the cat EVERY OTHER WEEK. He scratches the shit out of me but i do it. Also i've been picking up extra hours at work to MAKE SURE i always have enough money to take care of lexx. He was the best PRESENT i ever recieved. Do i have to mention again that he was a present???? I wasn't planning on getting him? OOHhhh your grandparents taught the dog to be quiet. My cat is quiet.... there was no point in that statement. You connect with the dog because it is just like a puppet. No barking, barely any playing just more empty. Lexx is a KITTEN so yes he will claw and climb. I love it and he's not your animal so you don't have to deal with it.


My personality changed within the first month because you started being -mean-. Straight up mean. And people warned me that it was the way you were. I told them no. That you were a sweetheart and they -laughed- at me. I stuck up for you anyways not believing them. But as we went on you seemed to want me almost to be your puppy. To sit by your side, hang on your every need and want. I just don't do that. It's "not my personality"




In my humble opinion:

“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”
-Chuck Palahniuk

Don't settle for anything less.

Anonymous

March 3 2006, 04:57:38 UTC 11 years ago

wow...
We're all waiting to hear your balls drop when you realize the reason you didn't work out is prolly has something to do with the fact that you act like a complete jackass...much like you are now.
We're all waiting for you anonymous posters to get the balls to just log in and post. Lets see... your IP address maps to Felixstowe road. Hmm... i wonder whom could have posted this... Nope, can't think of anyone who lives there.
wow....... someone stood up for me. holy shit.
Wow Dave's a good friend, holy shit.
I know Jeremy is a pretty cool guy, and Jill, you seem pretty amazing too. You guys are like sodium and water. Sodium is a WONDERFUL metal and is the base in a good number of water soluble salts that we need to survive. And everyone knowws we need to drink water. But when you mix sodium and water.... you get a massive explosion and dead people.

Separately you guys are pretty cool... together... well.... yea...
This is just where you guys need to go your own way and just admit the relationship didn't work out, both of ya'll prolly coulda done things better, and move on with your lives.