I hate everything. As of late things aren't really going my way. The tuition reimbursement I thought I was going to get from Sheetz isn't going to happen, and on top of that I just found out I'm not eligable for it until fall 2006. I have to work tonight, Christmas eve, And didn't get a chance to sleep much today because I was with the family in Fredricksburg, and we left shortly after I got off work. I tried to set things straighter with Jill about what's happening between us, and even as I type this I'm flashing back to the 'good ole' Jacqueline days. I suppose the situation was different, but I can't help worrying that the same thing will happen with Jill as Jacqueline. I feel bad about it too, calling her at 3AM on christmas eve to tell her that I'm not happy with how things are. I need something solid. I know that I probably upset her last night, and the best time for that probably isn't right before Christmas and her birthday, so I feel worse. I just want to crawl away somewhere warm and sleep for a year or so... maybe everything will make sense... Anyone who knows Jill and I what do you think? Is our relationship fixable, does it even exist? what can I do? People misunderstand the whole thing about her and Fortin, I usually do too, but I try really hard not to. I get upset a lot of the time not at him, but at her, because he obviously means a lot to her, and I am just jealous. I probably show this in a way that people mistake.
Everyone says I'm mean, I'm not. I just do things differently.
Whatever happens, I wish it to HAPPEN, because this is making me feel awful.
Time for work... Hope everyone gets what they want for Christmas, there's still time...